Will The Flood Behind Me

=(=(=(=(

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 16:30:58 GMT

Hi, I have posted here a few times. My SO has been out of town for business for nearly a month now. We usually text each other (he hates the phone) about a few times a week or more. Last Wednesday, he called me.

He called me and he was super sweet. He said he missed me and can't wait to come home and chit chatted and asked me if anything had changed since he was gone? And I said no....??? He said, "Can we still hang out when I get back?" and I said sure!!! He assured me he couldn't wait to come home and see what I got him for his birthday.

That was last Wednesday. I texted him and called him on Friday, no response. Now it's Tuesday and I'm petrified that he is never going to call me again and he is ditching out on me. This doesn't make any sense to me. The longest we haven't talked in about 4-5 days. Now it's going on 6!
Sometimes he mentions that he is a drifter, but he said he would always stay close to me.....I dont know.

Can I get your thoughts on this? Thank you so much.

twilight.

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 01:51:10 GMT

So I have decided the follow:

Lots of people have many amazing talents: some can paint, some can draw, some can bring people together or tear them apart. Wanna know my talent? Meeting guys who have gotten out of long term heavy duty relationships.

I am an emotional cripple. He is leaving tomorrow for 11 days and I cant even say I miss you. I am too fucking afraid. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I just like to lay here and listen to the iTunes playlist he made, but then I begin to panic. My mom and friends tell me that if you really like someone then you fight for them. You make it known. You state how you feel and make it be known that that person makes your heart skip.

I hate being like this. I have so many feelings....and it's not that hard for me to tell my friends, "hey youre fucking great!" OR "ill miss you"

Thats not an issue, no.

Been a while...

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 10:33:14 GMT

So, I havent updated in a while. I just feel amazing, altho I cried all day today.

Please.Dont.Ever.Leave

Nick Cave

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 04:14:10 GMT

full name	Jas Hat Car
birthday	01-22-1981
rye or pumpernickle	Sab Stew
butter or margarine	Heart Attack Platter
rum and coke?	Vodka Tonic Bitch!
smokes?	Let's Go!
chicken burgers?	Chu Chu Face
favorite colour	Your mom...
favorite sandwich	Pickle Soup Sandbitch
favorite potato chips	Sanchez
sex party?	Why Not?
how many 40's of High Life do you drink a day.	4-5
Name everything in your pockets right now.	Lighter, Condoms, KY jelley
last thing eaten	Thai Food with eeeeeeric
favorite cheese	Dick Cheese
favorite way to eat popcorn	Throw at people
favorite song	Last Stop Today or The End
favorite psalm	Into My Arms...
nervous?	Hella hella
how do you like your tea?	With some jizz
last time you masturbated	Umm...last week? It's been a slow year
spirulina?	What in the fuck?
favorite empire/dynasty of all time ie: ming, roman...	Colin Powel
ugliest person in the world?	Adam
sexiest person in the world?	Adam
who has the worlds fattest hands?	Julian
was this fun?	I guess
do you own a microwave?	Nope
can I have it?	Nope
favorite custard-type dessert	Penis
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

We look the same..

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 23:07:27 GMT

How have I become this bitter at 24?

did i mention?

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 08:51:43 GMT

that you are fucking perfect.

ok that's it

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 22:00:22 GMT

I want a spiritual divorce.

the iPod woke me up again

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 08:28:26 GMT

I had dinner with a friend and drove to my dad's house in the mess of a half rain, half clear sky. I was just driving slow, looking for a parking spot since someone had parked in mine when I saw a gorgeous patch of clear sky. Out of nowhere, I saw the most brilliantly intense shooting star which lasted almost five seconds. That five seconds which felt like forever, left me stunned and frozen.

The summary: When you feel all alone in the world, utterly disconnected, and floating from one direction to the next, look up at the sky and remember how lucky you are to be you. You are, after all, a 1/37,000,000 possibility.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 06:39:54 GMT

I need inspiration.....err...did I say perspiration?

livin it up in SF

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 20:48:15 GMT

I LOVE this city.

If you're sellin it -it's alright

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 00:05:25 GMT

Almost 24...

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 10:22:08 GMT

You Are 23 Years Old

23

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I love you for what you're not

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 04:24:05 GMT

Hectic craziness brewing in my brain.

tongue tied tired and sick

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 22:29:21 GMT

Lord help me, for I am attempting to quit smoking as of today. (We'll see how long it lasts)

Never again is what you swore the time before...

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 09:23:32 GMT

Me and Nathan

Trashy and I on the way to LA!

Me and Chris

Aww..

The lovely Sabrina.

what?

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 16:41:06 GMT

u havent left yet? ooooo
sorry, this isnt nate
he left a while ago
o sorry
:}
hehe who's this
jasmine
who are you?
melissa
barry's sister - who he's going to vegas with

ohhh that"s right
im his good friend from nor cal
9:35 AM

<3

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 08:50:14 GMT

Sab Stew and I spent a wopping 3 hours and 19 minutes on the phone tonight.

Nate left me the nicest comment on Myspace.com.

I feel like jumping with joy.

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 06:02:11 GMT

BUD LIGHT: You're laid back and low maintenance - a
people-person, who wants everyone else to be
having as much fun as you are. You make
friends and jokes easily, and though you're
definitely a smart ass, you're good-natured.
Every man's beer for everyone's friend.

The Greatest Beer Quiz, ever!
brought to you by Quizilla

Our dreams seem not far away

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 22:39:31 GMT

We all fall wonderfully...

Last night...I felt like a kid in a candy store looking for my long lost lolly-pop.

I sometimes feel as if I am going backwards, like I am 13 instead of 23.

Hope unkown. And here I was trying to keep a positive attitude...even though I had yoga this morning.

This rage I can not let go....AFI

What are you doing to me?

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 10:10:56 GMT

I didn't plan on updating, but since I read awful_sometimes 's journal and I decided to post something for her to read....

Today was intense. I woke up and felt shitty. Everything was going shitty and I felt like I had no control. Isolation and disconnetion are not my favorite feelings in the world. I went to Santa Cruz with Michelle and Noah and we saw animals at Michelle's work which was cool. Saw Becky and drove back over the hill....

I had plans to meet a friend in San Francisco to go to the Hemlock. I was feeling lazy and down because of a fight I had with my mom.....but I decided to go anyway. I went and I had an awesome time. The highlight of the night was seeing this crazy woman, who was apparently on one walk in the streets of SF and try to kick cars. Then she tried to get into the Hemlock and they threw her (literally) out on the street and she tried to hit some punk girl and the punk girl tried to beat the shit out of her. Then, the cops come and there are four cops trying to hold this lady down, and she kicks one of them in the face with her high heels. I was standing there the whole time talking to the dude from the Swingin Utters. Hah.

What have you done to me?

Skin

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 02:48:43 GMT

Do I know you from somewhere?
Why do you leave me wanting more?
Why do all the things I say
Sound like the stupid things I've said....

THE HEMLOCK

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 10:23:06 GMT

So tonight, I decided that I would go to San Francisco and lurk around like a jackass. Of course, I ended up at the Hemlock with two of my best guy friends in the whole wide world.

I decided that I will do this. This will happen for me. I can feel it.

It's the calm before the storm. I am enjoying this relaxing transitional period, but I am worried about what lies ahead. Also excited.

My heart is just going thump thump thump!

Testing...

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 19:15:36 GMT

Hello Paris

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 18:46:06 GMT

The train leaving for Paris leaves in a few hours. I am still sick, but I am feeling a little bit better. I called a few friends today and wanted to just cry...for as much fun as I have had here, I still miss all of you.

A few luxuries I have taken for granted back home:

Nice showers without wearing flip flops
My own bed!
Louis Vuitton
Looloo
Make up
Clean clothes

So much more.

..get out..right now..its the end of you and me...

After Paris, just London and coming coming home.
I had a really intense dream about my old best friend who I have not spoken to for years, and I tried to call her today. Her phone has been disconnected.

An American girl in Paris then London.
Watch out.

drunken babble

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 01:41:48 GMT

life is changing and i must go along
with it all alone

my heart has finally broken free
and with the sight of intelligence

all crawled out in the shower and
in the "loo" of the club

underneath the charles bridge

i left my heart in berlin
but i left my soul in prague